A lot of people have relationship problems, problems that don’t go away no matter how much we think and wish and wonder and try to figure it all out.
We’re missing something. A reason to have faith that things that were once good will be good again.
In this life, and world as it is we spend money on little pills, alcohol or Big Macs and chocolates to help cope with what seems not to be working. They don’t.
Until recently I was angry at getting older. As you get older, problems get more intense, because when you’re older, you can realize that you need things you didn’t seem to need so much. And then there’s less time to build or repair what you didn’t see before.
I thought a while back that I’d see the issue of age and getting older as front and center in the changes I’ve experienced in relationships. But I’ve found one aspect of relationships and life that may be just as important. It’s the concept of phase.
I have seen sixty and passed go. I don’t like admitting it because of what I suppose you feel and the assumptions you make about someone who can say that. What did you picture? Someone very grey, slow, disconnected from current issues perhaps?
Employers seem to think that. And sometimes I see their point. I talk to cashiers at store check-outs (yes that may date me … box stores. You assume I don’t shop online, but you’re wrong.) Often, that older lady or man, moving so slowly it aggravates me, makes me look at my watch, and reminds me why those stereotypes reinforce themselves. Turns out, I’m actually older than some of them.
In my family life, I am quite disconnected from some people I care about very much. I blamed age for a time, but I’ve realized that that’s only a portion of a bigger picture.
I have siblings with kids nearing, in or just out of college. They are significantly younger than I. They have their families to attend to, something one of them just pointed out. Their families. I’m not included. I was angry about that at first. I’d thought of them as my family, as it used to be.
Then I realized this thing about phase. This isn’t about an age-related disconnect. It’s about life phase. Time will fix this. Time, patience and love.
In seven years, time that will move far more quickly than anyone wants it to, our phases will be in sync. Family and life situation will change. Their priorities are what they are today because they must be what they are. The same is true for my wife and I. Ours are our own.
I have to believe that this is an idea that others can see.
Our lives are much like solar systems. At different periods in history, we can see stars and galaxies that others cannot. But everything in creation moves, including us, including our own lives and solar orbits.
With patience and love, we can believe that our orbits will synchronize again. We are naturally out of phase, then in again.
We just need to wait, to keep love and faith alive, and know that the big sync will come and our problems will be less large than they once seemed to be.